I have a feeling that everything in my life is completely shadowed by an inpenetrable state of being long before I was born. Like when you wakeup and remember your dreams, or when you wakeup and remember yesterday: from a pure state of total purpose and intention my life has come to be--and evermore to be.
This idea that I have lost memory of who I am, of lives before, of my "time" outside life, is itself the memory. The acknowledgement that perhaps there are memories is itself the memory. The acknowledgement that I exist right now at all is the presence of a memory of something, whatever it was (probably nothing, but still the state of everything), ever present in all that is me--in all that is existence.
In the presence of sadness, of joy, of whatever, so there lingers the presence of presence itself: the memory of memory. I remember remembering; somewhere in my being I have set out to live a life, and I am living this life, and still, as present as the day I were born, as the day I were not born, I linger still.
I have a feeling that all of my wondering is the presence of memories of all that I am--curious and growing. I wondered so much, I sought so much spiritual influence, so much psychic awareness and awakening, and among it all was not necessarily what I was looking for, but the acknowledgement that all that I was looking for was real itself, already, deep inside me, linger in all aspects of my life and timeline, even outside it. Somewhere, beyond all time, before I were born, and even now, an indestructible me pushes on. In times of wishing I were dead, I would not let myself die. A purpose: What is a purpose? When we remember that we set out into life with our own purpose, we remember that at the root of all we can possibly fathom is a choice to exist in any state of peace and possibility, in a life where we lay.
It is now that I realize that I have never forgotten anything before my life: I've only thought of different things. Instead, all the moments I've noticed total bliss and appreciation, harmony, and perfection, it is there in all this desire and craving for more (whom some can reduce to a single word called "love" which I prefer to elaborate on with terms of anything gracious/desirable) that the memory of who I am has shown itself. In all the times I've wondered, it is there that the memory itself has refreshed itself. It is never that we were separate from the memory of pure bliss, but only that we had thought there was something more we needed to expand upon the horizon. It is when we notice fully that the joyself itself is the true memory of all that we've ever been that I believe one can say that they are truly on their way to remembering their self in an exceptional place of clarity.
January 17, 2008
I wish to hold you...
I want to hold you and make all of your pain melt away. To hold your paws tight in my hands, and kiss you. And make you feel at peace. I want to know you so much more.
December 4, 2007
Integrated Friends
Death is a salvation, that we'll always return to bliss. In our sadness and ruin, among eons of pain, when it seems nothing will change and we're doomed to suffering, death is our friend.
July 1, 2007
The Perfect Love
The kind of love that cures, heals, and regenerates. It shows you all the wellness of your own decisions. It shows you how peaceful it is to be peaceful. It creates immediately all your blisses; and there you experience it. It reminds us that when we kill ourself, we killed ourself...the our cells were one being. It reminds us that when we destroy our planet, we have destroyed ourself--all our own, single being. It reminds us that the pain of our own worrying on all of our cells is the pain that is felt in people by people that cause pain.
It reminds us that as much as we have been disappointed there's always more. It reminds us that the "poor us" is useless because there's always more, now. It reminds us that all that we think we have lost has nothing to do with all that we are gaining. It reminds us that the fucked and abused are still existing and can go their own way, achieving all they desire. It moves our body to the most beautiful, healthy, and supreme form it can be.
It reminds us how easy it all is. Reminds us that if you want it and you've never had it, it can still be yours. It reminds us that there's enough for you. It reminds you that what you want is not crazy. It reminds you that there are opportunities not involving the manipulation of others. It reminds you how easy it all felt when you were a child and knew that everyone, at heart, was you, and that you're free to be you. Still, it is that easy and ever present. Still it is that easy, it is that ever present.
It reminds you that all the fears you've been living in are things you'll forget when you die. It reminds you that as scared as you are you can just as easily live. It reminds you that as much as they think so, you may think so. It reminds you that as much as they think so, still, you can think so. Whatever they are you can be. Whatever you want you can be. Whatever makes you happy is okay. Whatever makes you happy it's that easy and comes to be.
The kind of love you stare into and are like, "ya, oh, Ya!" Yes. The kind of love so perfect and so purifying and SO YOU that you're moved to laugh that you ever thought it was gone when your very desire for it proves it's still there. When your very desire for it proves it's still there. When your very desire for it proves you're safe. Like a song that moves you into freedom you laugh at your life like an ant attending its colony. So what?
Like the time the bad boy got you to do a drug that caused you to abandon him forever--so, too, mankind's destruction leads it to abandon toward the better. When your years of self abuse cause you to be healthier. When your slouching causes you to carry your spine straighter for easier blood flow. When your laziness causes you to become the sexiest one alive through rigorous exercise. When your retardation moves you to be brilliant. When your well being moves you to greater bliss. It is then you realize, we're all so perfect. It is the love that casts off the need to carry a worry which is itself too much pressure for you to care.
It reminds us that as much as we have been disappointed there's always more. It reminds us that the "poor us" is useless because there's always more, now. It reminds us that all that we think we have lost has nothing to do with all that we are gaining. It reminds us that the fucked and abused are still existing and can go their own way, achieving all they desire. It moves our body to the most beautiful, healthy, and supreme form it can be.
It reminds us how easy it all is. Reminds us that if you want it and you've never had it, it can still be yours. It reminds us that there's enough for you. It reminds you that what you want is not crazy. It reminds you that there are opportunities not involving the manipulation of others. It reminds you how easy it all felt when you were a child and knew that everyone, at heart, was you, and that you're free to be you. Still, it is that easy and ever present. Still it is that easy, it is that ever present.
It reminds you that all the fears you've been living in are things you'll forget when you die. It reminds you that as scared as you are you can just as easily live. It reminds you that as much as they think so, you may think so. It reminds you that as much as they think so, still, you can think so. Whatever they are you can be. Whatever you want you can be. Whatever makes you happy is okay. Whatever makes you happy it's that easy and comes to be.
The kind of love you stare into and are like, "ya, oh, Ya!" Yes. The kind of love so perfect and so purifying and SO YOU that you're moved to laugh that you ever thought it was gone when your very desire for it proves it's still there. When your very desire for it proves it's still there. When your very desire for it proves you're safe. Like a song that moves you into freedom you laugh at your life like an ant attending its colony. So what?
Like the time the bad boy got you to do a drug that caused you to abandon him forever--so, too, mankind's destruction leads it to abandon toward the better. When your years of self abuse cause you to be healthier. When your slouching causes you to carry your spine straighter for easier blood flow. When your laziness causes you to become the sexiest one alive through rigorous exercise. When your retardation moves you to be brilliant. When your well being moves you to greater bliss. It is then you realize, we're all so perfect. It is the love that casts off the need to carry a worry which is itself too much pressure for you to care.
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